Doing university work has once again reared its ugly face and is pointing fixatedly in my direction. The worst part is there isn't actually that much to do. That's what makes it so much worse. Talking to everyone else I live with, they have such a mammoth load of work to get done, it makes my work seem incoherently insignificant. which makes me feel bad. Why is my workload, a mere 2,000 words or so, so frustratingly diff-
-No, not difficult.
there. why is my work so there? Why does it sit and look t me with its big, work-y eyes? It doesn't like me and I don't like It. and everyone else has so much to do, It makes my lack of interest in what is only a short essay look so ridiculously insulting to everyone else. They have overflowing bundles of near impossible mind-blowing things to do and I have to talk briefly about the BBC and what I did during filming.
Work brings out the worst in me. Because it gives me the time and procrastination to think about things. Usually I think about good things, like story ideas or visiting Bold Street Coffee. But during workloads I always think about all the annoying things that bother me. There's a certain amount of self loathing that comes out when you find an annoyance in something. Like if you can't find something you've just put down, you hurl torrents of screaming abuse at yourself for bieng the biggest most useless bastard you know.
That's what work does. It points out all your character flaws and presents themselves to you in an exaggerated light and then, like a smarmy twat, gives evidence to back it up.
I'm not saying that I don't like myself, I am very happy with me. I like my Optimism, my love of books and writing, and my introvertedness, to name a few. But everyone has things they don't like. I, for one, am not a fan of my nervous disposition. It can be quite a hinderance, especially socially. Shyness and friendship do not go together. Shyness and love don't see eye to eye. It also brings a slightly paranoid overthinking with it - will spend hours trying to think what others are thinking. Too find out their secrets and hear their silent opinions.
Thanks a lot, work. Thanks for bringing that up. For pointing out the moments that lack of shyness would have been better. I blame University, and also the Tories, for negative thinking. They both know that i'd be rather watching the Hour, reading and drinking tea, and writing a story about the Thimble Ghost. Yet they set us all this work instead...
